Uncle Sam's Stay-American Survival Kit

*Prepared by the U.S. Department of Not Hating America for Matthew and Catherine Sweeney, Edinburgh, UK*

CONTAINS:
(1) Small American Flag (with stand)
(1) Deck U.S. Presidents Flash Cards (now with President Obama)
(1) Stars and Stripes Glittery Pen
(1) Bag Marie Callender's® Cornbread Mix
(1) Copy of I Am America (And So Can You!) by Stephen Colbert
(1) Bar Waxy American Chocolate

DIRECTIONS: Read I Am America (And So Can You!) for ten minutes anytime you feel un-American. Use glittery pen for taking America-related notes. As needed, supplement reading with chocolate or cornbread consumption, study of U.S. Presidents, or recitation of The Pledge of Allegiance (using included flag).

WARNING: Use only as directed. Do not use in conjuction with Glenn Beck. Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity, or other asshole.

A big thanks to T.R. for his insights on how to maintain my "American-ness" amid my U.K. loving lifestyle. A truly inspired (albeit belated) Christmas parcel.